It has been a long time coming, but I think my initiation into motherhood is complete. I didn’t get that overwhelming feeling, as soon as my baby was born, that I was meant to be a mom. If you read The Smell Log: Tales from my Labor and Delivery Room, you will remember I was a little disgusted by the alien-being that emerged from my body. In fact, for the first couple of months I walked around in a haze wondering when her real parents were going to come get her so I could get some sleep.
It has been 7 months now and I couldn’t be happier. My daughter definitely completes me. She has her daddy’s personality and makes me laugh constantly. A few short years ago, I never would have thought I’d be telling this tale. I remember vividly running with my friend, Kehau, and discussing how gross babies are because they are always sticky. Now, here I am, with a baby who is constantly slimey and sticky, simultaneously; and loving every minute of it.
Remember the scene from the movie Baby Mama, where Maura Tierney’s character asks her kid if it is chocolate or poop, then licks it to find out? That doesn’t gross me out anymore. The things that I am actually disgusted by are few and far between these days and I’ll tell you why.
Last Sunday our LO woke at 5AM per her usual morning routine, but it was a very long, sleepless night for me. I retrieved her from her crib and brought her into our bed to pass off to my husband. He is really good about taking her in the morning (if he doesn’t have work) so I can sleep an extra hour or so. Well, we were both too tired to get up so we just let her crawl back and forth between us. She was starting to get feisty and ready for a change of venue. She came over to me and started pulling my hair and gouging my eye balls out. Before I could stop her she stood up and bent over my face, which was still on the pillow, and threw up all over me. Ordinarily this would have floored me and probably made me sick in return. It got in my eyes, my nose, my hair, and even my mouth. My husband quickly jumped out of bed and started gagging. I just laid there holding the baby still with my eyes closed tight waiting for DH to calm down and grab me a towel. I dried the baby off and let him whisk her away to play. I then wiped my own face off with the towel and scooted my head a couple inches to the right and went back to sleep. If that’s not an official initiation into the mom club, then I don’t know what is. I, of course, showered when I got up and changed the sheets, but in that moment I couldn’t care less about the spoiled milk smell or my burning eyes, all I wanted was sleep and I was going to get it at any cost!
Hopefully, I’m not the only mom out there that has done something like this. What are your disgusting mom (or dad) stories? How were you initiated into motherhood?