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kids marriage Motherhood Parenting

A lesson on “I’m sorry” from my kids

I watched from the kitchen as my daughter wound herself up into a big spin and then flung her arm and the toy barn she was wielding into her younger brother’s gut. He doubled over instantly and I knew the tears were close behind. As a reflex, I hollered, “Say sorry to your brother!” trying to smooth the situation over without having to completely stop making dinner. My daughter’s response left me speechless and at a loss for what to do next. She hollered back at me “It wasn’t an accident!” “I can’t say sorry ‘cus I did it on purpose!”

I hadn’t thought about apologies that way. I used to always apologize because I believe they make people feel better. I’m definitely torn in this situation because my whole thing this past year has been about self-improvement and learning to not be sorry for my actions. I blame Rachel Hollis for “Girl, Stop Apologizing” #sorrynotsorry. I’m not sure my daughter really got the same message Rach was sending, but her declaration of not being able to apologize because she did it on purpose was a concept I wasn’t prepared to hear. Don’t get me wrong, as a parent I was also a little terrified. My daughter just hauled-off and hit my son in the gut and deep down I want her to feel remorse for it and apologize.

After stewing on this for a while and conferring with my husband (a man who has never once apologized for anything and admitted that he had probably also said something similar to his mother when he was a child) I realized that maybe saying sorry is not a universal bandage for confrontation. They need to know that there are consequences for their actions and getting out of those consequences with a heartless “I’m sorry” is not the kind of mindset I want to instill in them.

So for now, I’m resisting the urge to force an “I’m sorry” every time there is an incident and instead try talking about how our actions affect other people and how that might make them feel. We are also coming up with other ways to express our emotions instead of lashing out at each other. I’m hoping I’m not raising tiny psychopaths, but you never really can be sure.

What is your stance on “I’m sorry” when it comes to your kids? Do you and your SO agree on responses and solutions? Leave a comment below on your thoughts and experiences.

Categories
military life Motherhood Moving

Month of the Military Child 

For both Claire and I, being military spouses was not something we had ever dreamed about. We are, of course, happy in our roles, but we could take it or leave it. We have given up a lot for this life: careers, being near family, friends, being able to plant roots, etc. We knew there would be sacrifices and we agreed to them from the very beginning because we love and support our husbands. Our kids, however, did not get a vote.

April is the Month of the Military Child and we honor military children for their sacrifice in supporting their families and country. There are more than 1 million military children across the Department of Defense. Military children are remarkable examples of resilience, strength and flexibility. Like I said before, they did not get a say in whether they wanted this life or not, but they pack up their books and clothes and say goodbye to friends every couple of years anyways.

Categories
Infants Motherhood Moving Parenting

7 MUST-HAVE ITEMS WHEN TRAVELLING WITH AN INFANT/TODDLER

I’m not saying I’m an expert at travelling with an infant/toddler, but I have definitely discovered a few techniques to make life easier on the go and figured out what items are absolutely necessary to have on hand. During this PCS Adventure, my family has been without household goods for 48 days, spent 3 days in airports and on planes, and lived in hotels for 26 days. It has been a learning experience for us all and I think everyone was pushed to their limit at one point during this adventure. We are finally in our new house, but still do not have household goods so we are back to “roughing it” in our own home. I honestly do not think we would have made it this far without the following items:

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Infants Media Motherhood Moving Parenting

[UPDATED]: SCREEN TIME FOR BABIES

Back in July I wrote an article about screen time for babies and how it is a big “no-no” for children under 2 years of age. As much as I wish I were updating this article with new info about how it is not only good to let your kids watch TV that young, but also recommended for admission into Ivy League schools later in life, sadly I am not. I am here to confess that I am a complete failure at this; my 1 year-old daughter loves watching Baby Einstein videos and they have made the last few weeks more bearable for everyone in this family.

If you have been keeping up with my PCS adventures, then you know that my family has been without household goods for 34 days now. The first week was especially hard because not only did we not have anything in our house, but also my husband was not home to help entertain our LO. That’s when I turned to Baby Einstein and never looked back. I stumbled upon one of the videos on YouTube and played it for her; it magically kept her still and focused for 20 minutes. I then found a whole series of Baby Einstein classics on Amazon Prime and introduced a different one each day while I cleaned and prepped our house for moving out. I even had them saved to my iPhone for her to watch on our 14+ hour plane ride and they truly were a life saver. Now that we are temporarily living in a hotel until a house becomes available, Baby Einstein videos help break up our day and keep things exciting for our LO.

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DIY Motherhood Parenting Recipes

Thanksgiving Ideas

Thanksgiving is one of those holidays that is easily overlooked when it comes to decorating and making a big fuss. You probably still have some Halloween candy lingering in the pantry and a decoration or two out that you’ve been too lazy to put away and are just calling it a “fall pumpkin”now instead of a Jack-o-lantern. Now is the time we start to rack our brains for Christmas gift ideas and Thanksgiving is just an event that falls in the middle of all this chaos.

My husband and I live on the opposite side of the country from our families so we won’t be able to celebrate and give thanks with them this year. I was almost going to ignore that Thanksgiving was even happening, but some of our dear friends, who we share this military life with, have invited us to spend the day with them and their family. It feels nice to have a place to go and share the day with friends and for that I am truly thankful.

So now I’m ready to get in the Thanksgiving mood. I pulled out all my fall napkins and tablecloth, but the house still doesn’t have that fall feel that I was hoping for…maybe it’s all the 90 degree days we have been having. I love FamilyFun‘s craft projects because they are usually pretty easy and I seem to always have the supplies lying around the house. For instance, I have 4 larges vases of pine cones sitting on my mantle from last Christmas. I’ve been trying to justify that it is an “all-year” decoration, but you and I both know I’m just lazy. FamilyFun Magazine gave me the idea to put those pine cones to good use by making a Fall Garland (see instructions below).

Categories
Infants Motherhood Parenting

6 Ways My Husband is a Better Parent

My husband and I are very competitive. We try to best each other in almost anything and for the most part he usually wins, except in water sports. Don’t ask me why, but for some reason he is terrible at anything related to the water.  When we found out we were having a baby I was very excited. Finally, I thought, something I can beat him at. Surely, I’d be a better parent. I’m nurturing and love taking care of people. He is not nurturing and doesn’t particularly like other people. I was basically made to be the world’s greatest mom. I may be a great mom and he is definitely a great dad, but overall he is hands down a better parent and here is why:

  1. He has not lost a wink of sleep since our daughter was born. Everyone always uses the term “I slept like a baby.” Um, no thanks! Babies sleep horribly. I’d rather sleep like a new dad. Our baby can be screaming in his ear while he is asleep and it will not faze him at all. As I mentioned in a previous post, we encountered a pretty substantial earthquake that shook our whole house and bed and he still did not wake. Some nights when I’m feeling extra resentful, I’ll wake him up and make him get me water or ask him to do some other unnecessary task just so he has to get up and be awake with me. Call me cruel, but I haven’t slept for longer than a 3 hour stretch in over 8 months.

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    “Sleeping like a Daddy”
  2. Speaking of sleep, my husband can somehow lay our daughter down in her crib and she will go right to sleep. No matter what time of day it is. I have seen him unknowingly put her down for a nap, right after she woke up from a nap and she falls right back to sleep! WTF? When I put her to bed, there is at least 5-10 minutes, if not more, protesting before she gives in and falls asleep. He claims it is because she knows her cries have no effect on him.
  3. Our baby’s cries have no effect on him! I have gotten better over time, but it still hurts me deep down in my soul when I have to listen to our daughter cry. Sleep training was the worst. I think it was more painful for me than her. Now we are going through teething and I would do anything in my power to never hear her cry again. No wonder they used to use the sound of babies crying as a torture method. I’m sure it is super effective…unless you are my husband. Just the other day I heard our daughter crying in the nursery for a long time. I knew Daddy was watching her, but after a while I started to get suspicious because she was still crying. I go in there to check on them and he is just sitting in the chair holding her as she howls in his ear.
  4. Our daughter already knows that she can’t get away with stuff around him. If she starts crawling toward an outlet or over to the bookshelf to eat a book, all my husband has to do is clear his throat or say “no” once and she quickly sits back on her butt and redirects like she never intended to go that way in the first place. When I am home with her and tell her “no” she literally laughs at me…hysterically I might add. It is very disconcerting.
  5. He put together matching safari outfits for the two of them for our first family trip to the zoo. Somehow it is just not as cute when I dress my daughter like me. I always feel like the mom from “Mean Girls” and a little bit desperate when I do it…that definitely has not stopped me though. When my husband wears a watching outfit with my daughter it is the cutest, most adorable thing you have ever seen. It literally made all the ladies at the zoo swoon.

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    San Diego Zoo 2016
  6. My husband Bedazzled a jean jacket for our daughter. Let’s start with the fact that he bought a Bedazzler online with the sole purpose of turning a brand new OshKosh B’gosh jean jacket into a more fashionable wardrobe piece for her. He spent days tracing out designs and searching for the perfect rhinestones. I will say I am super jealous of his dedication and craftsmanship. Our baby is lucky I even found the time to go to OshKosh B’gosh in the first place.

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    He added a cigar to make it look more manly
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The most bad ass baby on the block – that is Cthulhu bedazzled on her jacket, not a plain octopus.

So you can see from these examples my husband somehow got this parenting thing figured out way before me. Just wait till she starts walking and talking and we will see who is better then.